What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
people are starting to question the shark bite story
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
