I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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