believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
