oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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