Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
