Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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