your room smells of hookers.
And success
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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