community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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