Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
