that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So vagazzling was a success
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
