one might say we're banned from that church
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
