Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
