True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
