I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
