I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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