Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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