How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize