It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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