Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
