He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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