I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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