You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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