I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
