Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
