I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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