Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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