Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
