i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She bit a glass in half.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
