spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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