I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
