I am midnight drunk by noon
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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