i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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