What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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