neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
