the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
