grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
