hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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