I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
