i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
