im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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