May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Damn victory sex feels great
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
