i permit you to call me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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