so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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