How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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