That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
