so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
