I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
