Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
