I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you traded sex for a burrito?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
