Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
