I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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