how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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