Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
