Ambien. No doubt about it.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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