Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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