Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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