Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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