I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
