But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
