With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
