i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Farmville is her only friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
