Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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