I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
