Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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